I bet he comes in French.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
