I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
