My friends, they love my intelligence
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
