adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
