Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
