but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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