I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
