Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
