ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dignity is for republicans.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
