His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
