Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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