he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
