In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
