I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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