6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
