She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
