Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
