is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
