That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
