when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
