she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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