I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I FOUND THE LEGS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
