we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
