wanna go halves on a baby?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
