I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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