Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
