If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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