It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
