he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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