there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
