Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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