Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
