About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
