I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
