An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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