Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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