A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
