Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
