This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
