Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
