Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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