well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
