when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
