She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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