fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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