so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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