All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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