You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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