What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
