oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
