I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
