Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
