Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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