Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
